40

If you go to the "About" page on this blog, you'll see a verse from Psalm 40 at the end that is the inspiration for my writing--"Your righteousness have I not hidden in my heart, I have spoken of your faithfulness and deliverance, I have not concealed your love and faithfulness from the great congregation." Psalm 40:11  But it's not just that verse that I find meaningful.  Pretty much all the verses before it describe my journey so far.

Which is why the U2charist that my church holds every year in our town's Irish Fest is so meaningful to me.  A U2charist is a traditional Episcopal Eucharist that features the music of U2.  Many U2 songs have a deeply spiritual element to them and there are biblical references throughout.  Their song "40" from one of my favorite albums of all time, "War", is the beginning of Psalm 40 set to some pretty stripped and haunting music.  It's always the Psalm in a U2charist.

The chorus always reminds me that God has brought me through some tough times and given me a new life--

I will sing, sing a new song.  

I will sing, sing a new song. 

But the next few lines remind me of the fragility of my remission and the risk of relapse

How long to sing this song? 

How long to sing this song? 

How long, how long, how long 

How long to sing this song?

Today, sitting in the Shamrock Tent at the Irish Fest, signing those words with my husband and my best friend sitting with me and Claire up on stage serving at the altar, I got tears in my eyes (which I usually do when I sing that song.)  I looked over and Al had tears in his eyes, too.

It's a question we wrestle with, a lot.  Yes, I know, none of us know how long we have and there's always the proverbial truck that could hit any of us.  But as my friend Kim, who has Amyloidosis and Multiple Myeloma, said in her blog--"I can be taken out by a standard issue truck tomorrow like anyone else. But I also know there is a truck out there with my name on it. (It’s probably teal in color) And I can’t lie. That changes you."  I totally agree with that...except the truck with my name on it is probably orange, right Debi?

So, I'll keep trying to make sure the way that realization changes me is positive, count on my friends and family members to call me out when those changes aren't positive, and trust God to take care of the rest.

I was thinking about the coincidence of our U2charist being held in the Shamrock Tent and how shamrocks are supposed to be lucky.  But, I've never really trusted luck.  It's in God's hands with an assist from medical science.

So, I'll ride....and I'll pray....and I'll pray while I ride...180 miles for cancer research in 6 days.

That's Claire on the right. Thanks Spencer Pugh for the picture.

https://youtu.be/M4jhxs0OJNk