I've helped and mentored a number of young women in my career and have always enjoyed it and felt like I'm pretty good at helping them figure out when to make a job change, have a tough conversation productively, improve work relationships, balance work and family...topics like that. From what my friends and "mentees" tell me, I have a really good ability to frame up the choices people are facing and organize the factors they should consider so they can make an informed decision.
Just last week I had such a rewarding phone call with a former co-worker who is considering a job change and we talked through the pros and cons, how it fit into her longer term career and family goals, and how and when she should share with her boss. I really get a lot of satisfaction from those conversations and see it as a way I can use my analytical mind, that can drive people who know me well crazy at times, to help others.
I've had the opportunity to do this with Amy some over the last few years as she's started her career and think I've helped her out with some sticky situations at work and the impact they've had at home. It's been great to be able to invest that skill in the success and happiness of one of my children.
Claire is at that age where parents are not at the top of the list of sources for good advice. Plus, she's always needed to have a clear view into the direct return on engaging in any activity. I've had the chance to help her figure out how to be a better teammate on her sports teams and productively deal with personalities that she finds challenging (ie irritating...and that's a lot of personalities. She doesn't suffer fools easily.) But there's so much more I feel I need to teach her about how to be a happy, balanced woman and it pisses me off that this disease might take that opportunity away.
Alan and I have been working almost continuously with Claire on the need to do the things people in authority over her expect of her, even if she doesn't see the benefit. Right now, those things are Alan and I wanting her to be better organized, manage her time better...just develop the habits and practices that help her keep up with the increasing demands of college and a career. She's been pretty resistant because she doesn't see how it will help her now.
She and I had a great discussion about her resistance last night. I told her that when we tell her to do things, she needs to trust that we have her best interests at heart. I pointed out she wants us to trust her in situations where we don't have all the details we'd like and we are pretty accommodating of that. I told her she shows her respect and trust of us when she does the things we ask even if she doesn't clearly see or believe there will be a benefit.
It was a great discussion. She never disagreed or got defensive and could clearly see the validity in my perspective. She's got a tough outer shell that rejects anything weak or irrelevant and I've gotten pretty effective at getting past it.
Not having THESE ^^ moments with my daughters is what pisses me off, and frankly scares me the most, about the single-digit lifespan that many patients with this disease experience. Now, I've met folks who are 20 years out from their diagnosis, too, but there's no way of knowing where I'll fall on the bell curve--short tail, middle or long tail. I cried a lot while I pondered this, not out of fear or anger but just sadness over what this might mean.
This insecurity about being around to guide them causes me to over-react when I think something is interfering with my ability to play an active role in guiding them. I'm getting better but it's somewhat insidious and many times I only recognize it in retrospect.
The bottom line is that I need to trust God and do my best to stay in the moment without worrying about what I expected in the past or what the future might bring. That living in the moment, the "I AM", seems to be the foundation of so many of the world's religions. I saw this on the blog of a fellow cancer patient who was talking about the struggle to deal with the daily fear this diagnosis brings. She shared this photo.
Daily, I read the "Litany and Novenas to Saint Faustina" that were given to me by John Reiner of Oakland Nursery last summer. He said it was part of the regimen he used to beat stage IV colon cancer that had metastasized to his liver. http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2012/10/28/to-your-health/nutrition-plays-role-in-prevention-treatment.html I'm doing great at following his spiritual instruction, I'm still not as good at following his nutritional advice that he shared here Nutrition Confusion but I'm trying.
Last night, it said, "Saint Faustina, obtain for me the grace of a childlike trust in the Lord God who can do all things. He is Wisdom itself and loves with an everlasting love."
So, whether it's the guidance of The Bible, Taoism, Saint Faustina, or a modified version of what I shared with Claire, I need to continue to trust that God has my best interests at heart and live in the moment.
THAT is the only way I know for me to have a happy life...regardless of how long that life is.
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