"Enough, enough now"

I've been thinking a lot about my trip to Mayo and what I'm hoping to get out of it.  Of course, I have a document with a list of questions...that I keep on my Google drive so I can add to it whenever I think of a question...but I want to be prepared with a well-thought out answer if Dr. Gertz, or someone else asks me, why I'm there.  I think my answer will be...

1. Confirm the diagnosis of Smoldering Multiple Myeloma (SMM).  If it is confirmed, I'd like to know find out my risk for progression to Multiple Myeloma.  If its not confirmed, I want to discuss the pros and cons of the Revlimid maintenance.
2. Hear his perspective on long-term prognosis, risk for relapse and how to identify a relapse has occurred.
3. Discuss the liver and kidney organ response.

I'll go with those 3 because his answer will most likely cover a lot of the random questions I have (What is the prognostic significance of my t(11;14) translocation and 13q deletion found on the cytogenic study?) plus people like things to be in groups of 3.  Those of us who grew up on Schoolhouse Rock know its the magic number.

I'm sure I'll have many more questions but those are the big conversation starters.

My real goal is to leave Minnesota...or when I have my final consult with Dr. Gertz...with the information and confidence I need to fully enjoy this current period of remission and recovery.  Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty happy and surprisingly not worried about my disease.  When people ask me whether Alan is going with me and I tell them he's not, many people seem a bit incensed by that.  But, this isn't a trip where I'm fearful or facing an emotional situation.  It's almost like a business trip...just gathering those last few pieces of information so my Strategic and Self-Assurance strengths I discussed in the last post are fully functioning.  

Yes, I know my ultimate assurance is not from Self but from God and I run the risk of creating myself, my doctors or my knowledge as a false idol that occupies a place that is rightfully God's.  My peace about my disease, my acceptance of either diagnosis (with or without the SMM) and, my belief that God is in control and whatever I do or my doctors do cannot undo God's dominion over this give me confidence that I have God in His rightful place as I go through this.

I was chatting with a colleague at work today who serves on the board of a local Multiple Myeloma fundraising group.  She's been a wonderful supporter, confidante and guide as I've gone through my treatment.  When I told her about my trip to Mayo, she said that Dr. Michael Caligiuri, CEO of the James Cancer Hospital, will tell you to get treated by an expert and always get a second opinion. 

The second opinion part is pretty clear criteria but how do you define "an expert"?  Is it the best in your town, state. region, country, the world?  I know that Dr. Efebera is an expert...but Dr. Gertz is a more experienced expert...or is he more of an expert?  As I wrestled with this idea, the question of "How much is enough?" came into my mind.  When is my information enough, when is the expertise of my medical team enough?  It just feels like its a big brain teaser I'm trying to figure out.  At some point, I hope its enough.

These thoughts of "enough" made me think of one of my favorite scenes from my on of my favorite movies.  It's a scene about knowing when you've done enough and knowing its time to move on.

(Click here to see the video on mobile-- http://youtu.be/dNJe7LmPbvU .)

I'm hoping I leave Mayo with a sense of "enough."  Now, I don't think Dr. Gertz and I actually will re-enact the scene (mostly because he'd have to be Keira Knightley and I'd have to be Andrew Lincoln and that's just weird.)   But, I am hoping to walk away with a sense of "enough, enough now."

Send your prayers and positive vibes that I can achieve that.  It would be a great feeling with which to start 2014.