Help My Unbelief

Immediately the father of the child cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

Mark 9:24

This verse sums up the roller coaster I've been on since I saw my liver doctor on Wednesday.  I've noticed that my liver has been prominent and enlarged but I thought it was just more noticeable because I've lost so much weight.  When I saw Dr. Levin, he had a very concerned look on his face as he examined my liver and expressed concern over how firm it is.  We asked him questions about whether it could be something minor that would resolve over time and he was non-committal about that.  "We'll have to see what the test show."

So he ordered several ultrasound studies.  Originally, I had the ultrasound scheduled for June 19 but the not knowing was driving me crazy so I called yesterday to see if they had any earlier appointments.  They had one today at 1.  They thought I might want one earlier in the day since I couldn't eat or drink after midnight before the test but with the worry I had, I one have fasted an entire day to get the test done.  Score: God 1, my unbelief 0.

Over the last few days Alan and I both were researching the prognosis if I did have cirrhosis.  It wasn't good and I was getting more and more fearful with each hour that passed.  It bothers me so much when I get that way.  I want to trust God so fully but doubts creep in and take me to very scary places.

I had the studies today and sent a message to my doctor asking if he would call with results before our next appointment.  At 5:30, I received a message that everything looked normal.  There was some abnormality in my liver but he said "it may always be that way and never be a problem for you."  Score God 2, my unbelief 0 (and that's just the score for this round).

And, just a note that my doctor is emailing me results at 5:30 on a Friday afternoon so I don't have to worry over the weekend.  How wonderful is that?!?!?

I was (and still am) in tears from relief.  I've probably cried more over the last 3 months than I have in my whole life. But, that's not a bad thing because they've almost always been tears of joy and relief.

Thanks for all the prayer support and positive thoughts.  It's making a difference!