The Future

Alan, Claire and I went to the wedding of Erica, one of Alan's coworkers, today.  It was good to put on a dress, makeup and jewelry and spend the day out.

The ceremony started with a woman reading this poem.

Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning.Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. A mother shows every emotion..........happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow..... and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take.She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...............not even death!

I asked Alan if Erica's mother was deceased and he said, "Yes, she died from breast cancer."  Of course, that started the tears flowing as I sat there wondering if someone would read a poem like that at Claire's wedding.

I really hate when I go to that place...worrying about the long-term prognosis.  Its been an emotional day as I try to deal with the abdominal bloating that has increased over the last 2 weeks.  It seems selfish for me to worry about the abdominal bloating when my lab work is good and my liver function is good.  How can I worry about something so silly compared to worrying about whether I'll be alive for Claire's wedding?

But I do.  As I look at going back to work, I need to be able to wear my regular clothes and right now that's iffy.  Dr. Efebera said my abdomen would be back to normal in 3 months.  That's July 12 so my abdomen better hurry up with its recovery.  I don't have the time, energy or budget to go out and buy another work wardrobe that fits my bloated abdomen.  I just want things to be simple and work out.  I'm tired of things being so complicated.


So, I need prayers that I can manage my emotions and keep looking to the future with the confidence that a person of faith should have.  Its a daily struggle.